We’ve been “at home” technically three weeks now, and our only outings are to the grocery store. It’s weird deciding between getting food and putting yourself at risk for getting ill. But we’ve got to eat. Hubby suited up in goggles, a face mask, and gloves to go shopping. He’s spent a bunch of time and money getting food and nothing I really like only for me to get crabby about it and then feel foolish for complaining. This could be so much worse and I’m upset over not having cookie dough. Meanwhile, people are dying.
I’m definitely feeling stressed over this or maybe just PMSing. It all feels surreal, like a bad dream. And as a mother, I feel so responsible for my family‘s happiness. Like if I’m not OK they won’t be. Sure wish we knew when this all would end. Seems like it has yet to peak. Are we talking several months? Will school be able to resume in the fall? Am I doing enough with my youngest for school? I’m also struggling to know how much or how little to inject myself into older son’s college schooling. I just expect him to be on his stuff — there are no distractions here, just ample time to get stuff done. Then I think of what a crazy freshman year this has been for him. I also wonder how this will affect the school where I teach. Will parents still be able to afford to pay tuition? Will our school close for good? Should he even go back to college? Maybe a local option is better? How do I motivate my daughter to keep pushing in school?
So many questions.
No answers.
Just living day by day.
Which I guess is how we’re supposed to live? Just being in the moment. Not the future or the past. I plan to come out of this situation having learned lessons that will make me better — like appreciating time with family; the food in our home; a paycheck; a comfortable spacious living space; no commute; time for leisure; exercise and home-cooked meals; ample rest; The ability to work and learn at home; health; and sometimes quiet, and more if I really thought about it.
Practicing gratitude.
One day at a time.
One moment at a time.
One day this rough patch will be over and we will be able to journey the earth and experience the things and visit the people and taste the foods and it will all feel that much sweeter
Cydney Junius is a mother to three teenagers and teaches in the Los Angeles area. Married to her high school sweetheart for twenty-one years, she has journals full of family adventures that have only grown through the pandemic. Cydney began professionally writing as a reporter before earning her master’s in creative writing.
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